The institution of marriage is just one of the greatest tests of the time -- both getting married and staying married.
As if these hardships alone weren't enough, add to that the challenge of making the marriage genuinely Islamic and effective -- because of course, only getting and staying married in themselves are not crucial indicators of success.
That Marriage is 'half our deen' isn't any light announcement; because, it needs a significant number of hard work and religion to make our marriages the vision of tranquility that Allah intends for us.
So What exactly does it take to
'dwell in tranquility' with our partners?
There is no exhaustive to-do list for a successful spouse just because there isn't any one-size fits all solution to marital challenges. On the other hand, the steps below outline the should start with a solid spiritual base- a crucial requirement to becoming a successful Muslim spouse.
Ultimately, Making Allah the center of somebody's marriage might help lead to creating the spouses' hearts powerful for each other.
Live & Love for the Sake of Allah
The First and most crucial step to becoming a successful Muslim partner is to strive for a solid, healthy relationship with your Creator. This means learning how to direct your thoughts, intentions, words and actions all toward pleasing Allah. More importantly, this means learning to live and enjoy for the sake of Allah.
While This is a basic requirement for any healthy relationship in this planet, it is also possibly among the most difficult concepts to receive our heads around as as a society, people haven't heard enough about this notion even in theory, let alone in practice.
Learning The way to enjoy for the sake of Allah is the most essential step simply because both you and your partner are human, so fallible. Neither of you will remain lovable nor will your marriage always be desirable.
There will be ups and downs, moments of hardship and simplicity. This is a fact of life. Allah nevertheless, is the only constant, the only eternal and the only one who's always loving, forgiving, helping, healing and truly directing.
Know the fact that Allah is the only factor.
Therefore, Putting all of your principal love, dedication and activity in this direction will benefit you consistent benefits for your union and all facets of this world and the hereafter.
What Does loving for the sake of Allah mean at a union?
It Means putting all of your hopes, desires and expectations on Allah. It means based ultimately only on Allah to fulfill all your needs -- emotional, physical and beyond.
This by no means implies that your spouse has no responsibilities towards you. It does mean, however, that even if he or she fails or is necessarily limited in certain elements, your final reliance depends upon Allah only. This comprehensive dependence and attachment just to Allah can save much heartbreak, disappointment as well as disillusionment down the street.
Learn and Apply the Quranic Way to Marriage
In the very few verses the Quran contains on union, there's much wisdom on how we are to approach the most romantic of our worldly bonds.
Have we truly embedded these verses into the core of our marriage or are they left as simply glistening calligraphy we embed on our wedding invitation cards?
Tranquility. Peace. Serenity. These are intended to be the goals of union. The entire set up of our marriage life -- everything from our thoughts and words, to our houses, intimacy, financing, social actions and more, should all be diverted at bringing peace into one another's lives.
We must question whether our efforts are responsible for fulfilling Allah's purpose of marital tranquility or in pursuit of our limited worldly comprehension of marriage.
Are our attempts for the sake of living together in happiness or are they for the sake of feeding our lower selves and just fulfilling our worldly wants and demands?
Our Wants have their place and significance; after all, Allah himself made them and provided us with union in order to meet them. Moreover, one of the oft-repeated prayers of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was to ask Allah to give him the best in this planet and the hereafter.
However, If our worldly desires take precedence over the Quranic aim of tranquility for marriage, we digress from Allah's main purpose with this sacred marriage.
Learn and Apply the Prophet's Approach to Marriage
Often times, the principal set of reference points we have for marriage include that of our parents, relatives, friends or what is depicted in movies, television and celebrity culture.
Unfortunately However, these reference points might not always demonstrate what a healthy Muslim union should look like.
Similar to all aspects of a pious Muslim's lifetime, for union also, we must visit the Prophetic approach for advice in every facet from how to choose a partner, to the process of the marriage, the intimate relations, day to day lifestyle and most importantly on the way to deal with the benefits and tribulations that have married life.
There Is much wisdom and practical tips one can profit from delving into the relationship Prophet Muhammad shared with every one of his grandparents. This education has to be a requirement for anyone entering a Muslim marriage, chiefly for knowing how to approach one's function as a husband or wife.
Two key issues in almost any relationship, particularly union, are in addressing each other's flaws and gaps and as a result, spending much of married life trying to 'fix' each other.
The aforementioned approach neglects the fact that ultimately, life and all the roles one can play in it, such as that of a spouse, is all supposed to be a journey itself improvement, so that one can gradually but surely turn into the individual that Allah wants them to become.
The core focus then must first be on self-improvement, rather than on 'spouse advancement.' Research also shows that all people, married or not, learn and follow better through example instead of only advice.
No one Practiced and understood this better than Prophet Mohammad (PBUH), that was known by his wife, Aisha, as a living example of this Quran. Actually, Islamic scholars have gone on record to state that a lot of the Prophet's Sunnah stems out of his actions rather than words. He had been a man of action -- a spouse of actions.
This is not to mention that one should not seek to improve the self and the partner -- only to suggest a sensible and prudent approach in doing this. The lesson from Prophet Muhammad in marriage and all relationship matters is clear: Lead by example.
Don't Expect Being Perfect
Thanks To romantic comedies, stories that some rosy-eyed newly-weds talk or even the trend of intentionally or unintentionally displaying ideal marital relationships on social networking, many of us have fallen into expecting perfection from ourselves and from our spouses in marriage.
To get Out of the snare, first we have to internalize the truth that perfection belongs only to Allah. This truth, by default, makes us dumb.
To test Whether or not you have fully realized this truth, ask yourself: How do I react to my defects? How do I react to the flaws of my partner?
If you Find that you chance to beat yourself up when you make a mistake or are somewhat bitter with your partner's limitations, you ought to question how well you take the simple fact that loyalty goes only to Allah.
Adjust Your expectations from yourself and your spouse, accept that with marriage comes hardship and ease and learn to strive for excellence, instead of perfection.
Know Allah's Big Picture for Marriage
One of the most beautiful prayers from the Quran for a successful marriage is given in Sura Furqan. In regards to this particular prayer, much of the focus has always been about the 'coolness of the eyes'. Although this stage is essential, it's just as vital to focus on the finishing of the prayer, which asks for aid in getting the leaders of the righteous.
This Point really puts into perspective the huge picture for marriage -- finally -- a successful marriage -- not just one that remains intact but one who does so with tranquility and coolness between the spouses -- this accomplishment helps not only both individuals or kids involved but may go onto positively impact society as a whole.
A truly Successful marriage, at the Islamic belief, can help to make positive leaders and role models out of the spouses and kids -- for the ultimate benefit of communities throughout the board and this in turn, can help humanity to flourish and advancement.
The Order of this prayer -- asking for coolness in the spouse and marriage and then help in getting leaders among the righteous allows for this change in the large picture focus we need to have for our marriages.
Moreover, a focus with this big picture can help one to persevere through the inevitable tough times in marriage and life.
Conclusion:
Islamic marriage, just similar to every other aspect of this world, is simply a path to reaching our final destination: Allah subhanuhu wa ta'ala and our house in paradise.
While Beginning with a solid spiritual base is simply the beginning to becoming a successful Muslim partner, it's a vital prerequisite to success in marriage since it helps keep one's eyes on the ball.
Making Allah the center of a Muslim marriage can help to not only strengthen the hearts of both partners to each other but may also lead to an accurate compass with which the few can browse through all the further practical customs, characteristics and challenges that come with trying to turn into a successful Muslim partner.
Finally, In spite of the ideal attention and efforts -- the end results might not necessarily be exactly what we direly want. There could be continuous hardship and there is also the fact of unions that don't work out.
However, When the heart of marriage starts and finishes with Allah, regardless of what the end result, as a believer, it is sometimes a win-win scenario regardless -- provided the whole journey is contributing to the ultimate goal: To worship Allah.
